I am the alpha beta male

I am a soon to be failed stand up comedian. This is, more or less, exactly the same as every other tumblr that's out there. I'm thinking of it as a online scrapbook-journal thing. Hopefully a year or so from now I can look back at this and think about how much I want to punch past-me in the face.


wow-realoriginal thesemi-charmedlife liamdryden patrickcassels wheredidthatbearcomefrom expertcosmotips michaelaranda tediousbrief neil-gaiman collegehumor emilyvgordon fishingboatproceeds zaclittle ursus----arctos poptech cartoonhangover johndarnielle hodgman colchrishadfield beatonna bryankonietzko mulaney gunshowcomic jonahray neilcicierega weirdudenergy fakescience manimator notthatwaycowboy streeter fekbenn blogwell rocketboom iamdonald j-castaneda nedroidcomics adventuretime vondellswain azizisbored kylekinane devil-in-the-shortwave weatherdotcomwantsmedead scannedlife doodlebops windows95tips radiomaru explodingdog pornhubcommentsonstockphotos slomozovo themildrevolution itsvondell charlotteahlin dcpierson charlotte-ahlin samreich fuckiminmy20s hoursongs nakedhawkeye dangurewitch danharmon mynameisboburnham standupcomedyblog watchthecradle pornhubcommentsonvalentines nickkocher doyoubelieveinrapture michelleocomedy egofaptor exquisitebeast superheroesdoingweirdshit tumblrbot imaginawesome amateurlovemakingmonthly imaginefucking mustlovevlogs naturesecrets thestorydump bfvgc domfera fycovers thatgirlyoukindofknow repeatingpepper


White folks on tumblr be like, “Please be kind to moths. They are doing their best and deserve respect and kindness. Never step on a flower because they are sensitive and have feelings. Also, why can’t I say the n word?”

(via tediousbrief)


Blood-Soaked Mayor Bloomberg Announces Homelessness No Longer A Problem In New York City   →


(doing an open mic tonight)

(for like the first time in maybe a year, aside from stuff I’ve done at school)





prepare for high school then prepare for college then prepare for your career then prepare for retirement then you’re dead 

then prepare for skeleton war


(via liamdryden)



One of the best lines from this show.

(Source: fuckyeaharchergifs, via liamdryden)