I am the alpha beta male
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I am a soon to be failed stand up comedian. This is, more or less, exactly the same as every other tumblr that's out there. I'm thinking of it as a online scrapbook-journal thing. Hopefully a year or so from now I can look back at this and think about how much I want to punch past-me in the face.

following:

fishingboatproceeds liamdryden zaclittle johndarnielle wow-realoriginal collegehumor beatonna blogwell jonahray notthatwaycowboy colchrishadfield thesemi-charmedlife neil-gaiman fakescience weirdudenergy manimator vondellswain ursus----arctos tediousbrief mulaney wheredidthatbearcomefrom nedroidcomics hodgman streeter kylekinane neilcicierega bryankonietzko gunshowcomic azizisbored cartoonhangover radiomaru doodlebops fekbenn expertcosmotips michaelaranda iamdonald j-castaneda adventuretime devil-in-the-shortwave poptech patrickcassels pornhubcommentsonstockphotos scannedlife slomozovo rocketboom themildrevolution explodingdog itsvondell charlotteahlin dcpierson charlotte-ahlin samreich weatherdotcomwantsmedead fuckiminmy20s hoursongs nakedhawkeye dangurewitch mynameisboburnham standupcomedyblog watchthecradle pornhubcommentsonvalentines windows95tips nickkocher doyoubelieveinrapture michelleocomedy egofaptor exquisitebeast superheroesdoingweirdshit tumblrbot imaginawesome amateurlovemakingmonthly imaginefucking mustlovevlogs naturesecrets thestorydump bfvgc domfera fycovers thatgirlyoukindofknow repeatingpepper

mmue11er:

Super selfies

Adorable

(via liamdryden)

 
oldmancaleb:

Peach’s panties were deemed to risque for a young audience in the 3DS version of Super Smash Bros. Instead, children playing the game will be welcomed to T H E V O I D

oldmancaleb:

Peach’s panties were deemed to risque for a young audience in the 3DS version of Super Smash Bros. Instead, children playing the game will be welcomed to T H E V O I D

(via liamdryden)

 

erenishuman:

when ppl write “i probably hate you” in their tumblr descriptions

image

(Source: yeagaharchive, via wow-realoriginal)

 
bikinipowerbottom:

im not ashamed to admit that id let 26 year old Joe Biden hit it


somebody at the white houses social media department is attempting to use Joe Biden to seduce us into supporting obamacare. What a world

bikinipowerbottom:

im not ashamed to admit that id let 26 year old Joe Biden hit it

somebody at the white houses social media department is attempting to use Joe Biden to seduce us into supporting obamacare.

What a world

(Source: shebegb, via wow-realoriginal)

 

Nope, never mind, I can’t write this. Theres no way this can go that isn’t going to give me an end product that I’m not ashamed of. 

 

Just going to keep making tumblr posts about this sketch so I don’t have to write it. This awful, awful sketch. 

 

okay, there are two ways I could go with the sketch. Both are pretty morbid, and whether or not either is funny is at best, dubious. But I have no other ideas, and this thing is due tomorrow, so I gotta do this. 

I guess what I’m saying is, whats a funnier alternative for erectile disfunction medication: suicide, or murdering somebody in an impotent rage? 

I hate myself.